tomphippen.com » Moans

Beat Up Waiter

tom — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:38:01 +0000

The worst thing about Schleck’s chain problem yesterday isn’t that Contador sped past and took the yellow jersey, it’s that it’s being referred to as Chaingate.

I hope there’s some incident in the future involving famous people and a gate causing the majority of journalists to implode.

* The title is the obligatory Simpsons reference

Phippen’s Law

tom — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:34:31 +0000

This is my chance to be a less famous Godwin.

Phippen’s Law: As an online discussion, that is directly or indirectly about Ricky Gervais, grows longer, the probability of someone saying “Am I the only person who doesn’t find Ricky Gervais funny?” approaches 1.

Old

tom — Wed, 26 May 2010 22:39:51 +0000

I was called ‘Sir’ in The Gateway yesterday. Twice. Bugger.

He’s a miracle, Saviour of the universe, King of the impossible – Cash Gordon

tom — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 21:04:33 +0000

Any number of things are wrong with the tory’s comically bad attempts to smear Gordon Brown, here’s a list:

There’s a lot of actual shit things about New Labour they could talk about (although to be fair to the tories most of these things are tory policy)
Making me think of Flash Gordon means I’ve got Queen and Brian Blessed stuck on a loop in my head, which is a good thing
Complaining that a union, which about 4% of voters are members of, has an unfair say in Labour policy, when you’re run by a 1 guy who’s a thieving billionaire scum bag who only cares about increasing his already obscene wealth, is a bit off.
Oh, and you fucked it up completely:
- Congratulated themselves for doing a great job before the shit hit the fan (and even if it hadn’t there’s only 617 people signed up)
- Didn’t understand how twitter, or html injection worked
- Caused a funny graph to be made
- and got a torygraph stooge to say it was teh hax0rs

The internet is great

A guide to Search Engine Optimisation for clients of web design companies

tom — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:15:55 +0000

A lot of clients who hire some designers to design & build their website will pay a third party for SEO, often too much relative to what their paying for the design and development. Here are the steps you need to follow for budgeting.

Take the number of sales you make to Search Engine’s spiders (which is 0)
Prefix it with your local currency’s symbol (for UK visitors £0)
Spend that much on SEO
Take the money you were going to spend on SEO and hire a copywriter.

Because good content is important, maybe if it was called Potential Customer Experience Optimisation (PCEO™) clients would pay silly money for it.

So, now that the snow’s melted…

tom — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 22:00:50 +0000

…will the people who said global warming isn’t happening now admit that it’s warmer than a week ago therefore we’re all going to die (at the current rate the temperature will have increased to over 200°C by the end of the year)?

A bigger threat than terrorism and other links

tom — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:47:35 +0000

Obviously it’s lawyers, gagging The Guardian (to help you avoid working with/for, or hiring/buying from, either of the companies make a note that Trafigura are a bunch of cunts, and that Carter-Ruck are also a bunch of cunts)
Getting back to nerd stuff – a good overview of why Tog’s ideas for the Springboard weren’t great the Springboard expose video is very cool.
and the truth about PSDs, stolen from Dom

Right/Wrong

tom — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:17:08 +0000

So in BBC land phoning someone and saying you fucked their granddaughter (which happened to be true) is an offence that results in 2 people losing their jobs, and 1 getting suspended.

But calling someone a Paki, like it’s the fucking 70s or something, is acceptable.

This seems odd.

Neo Old Atheist

tom — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:38:21 +0000

Apparently “‘New’ Atheists” are middle class, university educated snobs. Which was a bit of a blow for me, I guess I could try and listen to uneducated people who believe in the religion their parents happened to force on them. But instead I’ve decided to label myself a Neo Old Atheist¹

On the subject of atheism Jonathan Meades: Off Kilter, especially episode 2 is half-mad, half-insane brilliance. And it’s hard for me to praise a former foodie, architecture critic.

¹ The schism between the old and new atheists is that old atheists don’t believe in a theistic god, and the new atheists don’t believe in a theistic god.

Trousers

tom — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:56:20 +0000

More annoying than my iron problem why is the material that makes 99% of my trousers key-proof, but the pockets – where I keep my fucking keys, is not?